Pregnancy is often seen as a time of excitement and planning – sifting through baby names, getting early glimpses at scans, setting up a special nursery and counting down the weeks until you get to hold that new little bundle in your arms. But for some women, pregnancy can also be a time when domestic violence begins or escalates.

This is one of the reasons domestic violence screening is built into antenatal care. Research suggests that around 5% of women experience violence during pregnancy from a current or previous partner. For midwives, however, there is a common challenge that complicates screening: the partner is always in the room. So how do midwives ask the right questions without putting the woman at risk? And what can happen when disclosure isn’t possible in the moment? Here’s what safe screening looks like when the partner doesn’t leave – and why small, thoughtful steps can make a big difference.

Domestic violence (DV) includes more than physical violence. It can also involve:

• intimidation and threats
• emotional abuse and humiliation
• controlling finances
• coercion, surveillance or isolation

NSW Health defines domestic violence broadly and outlines the importance of identifying risk, responding safely, and offering referral pathways.

RANZCOG (the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists) also recommends that family violence screening should be explained as a routine part of antenatal care, and done when the woman is alone.

Of course, that is one of the biggest barriers midwives face. A partner might stay close because they’re excited and engaged. But sometimes the behaviour is a red flag:

• answering questions for her
• monitoring her phone
• insisting on being present for all care
• refusing to leave “even for a quick check”
• watching her reactions closely

Even if a woman wants to disclose, she may not be able to, because it could increase risk once she gets home. This is why safety-focused screening isn’t just about asking the question. It’s about creating the conditions for the answer.

To start with, it’s important to normalise separation as routine care.
Midwives may use scripts like:

• “We speak to everyone privately for a few minutes as part of routine care.”
• “We do this with every patient – it’s standard.”
• “We need to ask a few questions one-on-one, then we’ll bring you back in.”

The key is consistency: if it’s always done for everyone, it feels less targeted – and often, partners are more likely to accept it.

If a partner resists, midwives may lean on medical routine:

• taking blood pressure or doing a private physical check
• assisting with a urine sample
• checking weight, wound concerns, or breastfeeding issues
• a “quick check in the bathroom”

It’s essential to avoid asking direct DV questions in front of the partner. If a woman is asked directly, “Do you feel safe at home?” while her partner is in the room, she may be forced to say “yes”, even if it’s not true. And in some cases, that question can escalate danger later. When privacy isn’t possible, midwives may focus on general wellbeing questions and observe body language, stress levels, fear, or controlling behaviour and then find another opportunity later.

Here’s what midwives want families to understand: not disclosing in the appointment doesn’t mean support isn’t possible.
If a midwife is concerned, they can:

• document observations carefully (without increasing risk)
• plan for a private moment at a later appointment
• involve social work supports where appropriate
• ensure safe follow-up pathways are offered
• And if children are involved, health workers must consider their safety and wellbeing, too.

When a woman does disclose violence, the midwife’s role becomes even more important, because the response can either build safety or shut the door. Trauma-informed, safe responses typically include:

• believing her (“I’m glad you told me.”)
• validating (“You don’t deserve this.”)
• not pressuring immediate decisions
• assessing immediate risk
• creating a safety plan
• offering referrals and follow-up

Midwives can’t “fix” domestic violence. But they can offer something many women don’t have elsewhere: a consistent, trusted professional who notices, asks safely, and keeps the door open.

If you’re experiencing domestic or family violence, support is available, and you deserve it.
Australia-wide support services:

• 1800RESPECT (24/7 counselling and support).
• PANDA (perinatal mental health support).

If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

When a partner is always in the room, domestic violence screening becomes more complex, but not impossible. Midwives are trained to approach it with care, privacy, and safety at the centre.