You’ve done it. You’ve grown a baby for nine months, you’ve used your superpowers to give birth and held your tiny, scrunched up newborn in your arms for the first time. You’re exhausted, emotional, adjusting to this new little person in your life, and then suddenly you are being asked if you’re ready to go home. Is any first-time parent ever ready for this big moment?

For many new parents, hospital discharge can feel like stepping off a moving train. One minute you’re surrounded by midwives, monitors and reassurance. Next minute, you’re at home in the quiet… wondering if that tiny squeak your baby just made is normal, and why you’re suddenly crying over a piece of toast.

Welcome to the “fourth trimester”, that first 12 weeks after birth when your baby is adapting to life outside the womb, and you’re recovering, learning and trying to meet constant new needs. It’s intense, it’s messy, and it’s often overlooked or glossed over. Midwives often talk about the “fourth trimester gap”: the space between leaving the hospital and feeling confident at home. Here’s what many midwives wish every new parent knew before discharge, so you’re not blindsided when you walk through your front door.

It surprises many parents to discover that the hardest part isn’t always the birth – it’s the days afterwards. At home, there’s no call bell. No one is popping in to check how the feeding is going. No reassurance that what you’re experiencing is “normal”. It’s just you, your baby, and a whole new world of recovery and round-the-clock care. You’re in a major transition, and your nervous system is running on very little sleep. It’s incredibly common to feel teary, overwhelmed, or even numb in the first week.

In fact, up to 80% of new mothers experience “baby blues” (mood swings, crying, irritability) in the days after birth, often peaking around day 3–5. If it passes within a couple of weeks, it’s usually part of the normal hormonal shift. But if symptoms feel intense, last longer, or include hopelessness or panic, it’s important to seek support from places like:

• Gidget Foundation
• PANDA
• GP

There’s a lot of pressure for new parents to feel instantly connected with their newborn. And while some parents do feel that immediate rush, many don’t. Bonding can be instant, gradual, or interrupted by exhaustion, birth trauma, feeding struggles, or anxiety. Midwives see this all the time. You can care deeply about your baby and still feel overwhelmed, teary, or even regretful in moments. That doesn’t make you a bad parent; it makes you human in a massive life shift.

One of the biggest shocks after discharge is how often your new little bundle wants to feed. Many parents expect a predictable cycle: feed, burp, sleep, repeat. In reality, newborns often feed very frequently, sometimes every 1–3 hours, and cluster feeding (lots of feeds close together) is normal, especially in the evenings. This helps build milk supply (for breastfeeding parents), supports growth, and comforts babies as they adjust to the world.

Feeding can also look surprisingly active: grunting, squirming, hands flailing, popping on and off the breast, or short feeds followed by another feed 20 minutes later. Midwives want you to know: frequent feeding isn’t automatically a sign your baby isn’t getting enough. While exhausting as a new parent, it’s usually completely normal. If you’re unsure, the best indicators are wet nappies, regular stools early on, and steady weight gain over time.

Next: sleep. Every new parent is told how exhausting a newborn is (and how little sleep they will get). But let’s face it, no one quite prepares you for this kind of tired. Broken sleep affects mood, memory, concentration and emotional regulation. It can also make everything feel more intense – the crying, the doubts, even simple decisions like “Should I have a shower or eat lunch?”
Midwives often encourage parents to plan for sleep support before they get home. If you have a partner, family, or friend who can take a shift – even for a couple of hours – it can be a lifesaver. If you’re doing it alone, it’s still worth considering who could come over for practical help (food, laundry, holding the baby while you sleep). The old myth ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’ just isn’t practical. You will find yourself listening out for every little sound and never truly resting. Having a support person there to help means you can well and truly shut off and know that someone is looking out for bub. This isn’t about “coping better”. It’s about basic survival in a physically demanding stage.

Another often overlooked part of the fourth trimester is healing from the birth as well. Many parents leave the hospital thinking, “I guess I just have to push through this”. But while recovery can be uncomfortable, you should never feel dismissed or unsupported.

What can be normal:

• Bleeding like a heavy period that gradually reduces (lochia)
• Afterpains (cramping, especially during feeding)
• Perineal soreness or stitches healing
• Breast engorgement when milk comes in
• Sweats, shakiness, or hot/cold changes
• Feeling “bruised” or tender through the pelvis and abdomen

Red flags to seek medical advice urgently:

• Heavy bleeding (soaking a pad in an hour or passing large clots)
• Fever, chills, or feeling unwell
• Worsening pain rather than improving pain
• Smelly discharge
• Signs of mastitis (hot, painful breast area + flu symptoms)

A good discharge plan includes mum’s recovery as well as looking after the newborn. Make a list of pain relief, wound care support, and clear instructions on who to call if something doesn’t feel right. Discharge can unintentionally send the message: “You’re fine now”. But the fourth trimester is not the end of care – it’s the beginning of a new phase. Many parents need reassurance, feeding support, mental health screening, and practical check-ins once they’re home.

Follow-up options may include:

• Hospital at-home midwife visits (varies by location)
• Your GP (for you and baby)
• Child and Family Health Nurses (CFHN)
• Lactation consultants
• Postnatal doula support
• Perinatal mental health support

Midwives rarely expect you to have it all together. What they do hope is that you go home with a plan that protects your recovery and helps you feel supported. The fourth trimester gap exists because we often prepare people for birth – but not for the weeks that follow. And yet those weeks can be some of the most physically intense, emotionally raw, and identity-shifting days of your life. You need more support, more rest where possible, and more reassurance that what you’re experiencing is common – even when it feels lonely.